devil= lived

the other dream was all
about driving and accidents
i was helping the man 
who had an emotional affair
with me stock water and 
groceries into his car,
then mine to help with 
the run-off, while his 
child also abided and 
stayed in the front seat

i rented a minivan, like
what my mother drove,
and i totaled as a teenager
and was trying to find his 
house to help deliver, making
me late to my dinner date--
supposed to be mexican
but my favorite restaurant
was closed and i was so tired
i could barely speak or type
my message to megan who

lived with my sister in 

college who was one of my

best classroom friends in

second grade, who i haven't

spoken to in decades

she was having tea with

someone else and i felt 

grateful, less guilty for 

my tardiness, she was

eating dinner and i really

wanted a burrito or veggie

nachos from the closed

restaurant, i am trying

to find b's house, and the

street name is the same 

as my first love's (can

you tell i am untangling

some hometown riff-raff?)

in the parking garage i hit

another car, and then when 

trying to leave i do it again,

totaling to almost $20,000

in debt, and the second time 

was the car of a mother,

i am sent, with my fine,

scores of pictures of mothers

and babies, first the one 

whose car took the hit, 

and then all of those 

related, like you have

fucked with the most 

precious thing, and you

don't even have a baby

you reckless bitch

what are you even 

living and driving for?!

apparently something 

sinister the red shoes

whorling full throttle

i am trying to explain

the plot to a beautiful

blonde femme, my friend

t's fiance, she says with me

her full queerness comes

out, not the first time i've

heard that, i feel fortunate

to evoke so much, and also

sad she will leave, go back

to him and i will be alone,

f is there though we are

not together, where we

are spinning is seen as

both a sacred and cursed

piece of land, belonging to

witches and maybe the

devil, whose name spelled

backwards is "lived," 

you fucking idiots!

all rocks and jagged little

pieces, old earthen and faded

orange, there are sex toys,

we talk about soft boys

we are high up and there

is a big stone archway

and somewhat of a ceiling

i am not afraid to be there 

after dark like everyone else,

though i am afraid someone

might kill me for my ways

staying in the auspicious

territory late into the night

and dancing.