to honor it all

i had a dream that i called

this guy over to my house 

to sleep with me, and then

when my queer femme 

friends were over i got

terrified they’d see him,

he’d out me, he came into 

the kitchen where we were

hangin’ from the bedroom

where i’d stashed him, he

was topless wearing blue

jeans and a bandana head

band and i gave him dagger

stares like “get back in the

room!” subtly as i could 

(when you hide someone

else, you’re hiding part of

yourself, duh!) today i re-

watch a sex scene from 

“normal people” to self-

pleasure before going to

meet up with him (express

my sexual energy— at least

that roiling surface level)

i want to be clear about

what i am feeling for whom

not to confuse general desire

for intimacy and eros with a

longing for the individual 

sitting in front of me, i want 

to see what is actually there, 

connell asks marianne if she 

would pretend not to know 

him if they saw each other 

on trinity campus in dublin 

the following year, and she 

says, “i would never pretend 

not to know you," Goddess 

please let me not hide a thing