One Last LiveJournal Entry

 Always having imagined a certain way of life I wonder now what I've done to fail to have it. It's houses and the city though the city to me is the closest expression of what the thing I want would be if it was our whole society. But in the city you can't have the compound without great wealth and in the country you can't have the compound without great individualism so Rowan only has two parents instead of the longed-for ten or more. The truth is I can't get straight with my relation to rules. Hate trouble need to know boundaries need clarity but can't play a card game to save my life. And why? Well how can I remember steps one two and three, that's no fun! So how would I manage with all ten of the parents with my need for simultaneous excess and absence of rules? I've asked these very questions in this very place a thousand times in a thousand ways, none of them direct. Plus I would be the worst at laundry out of ten parents instead of two, at least here I get the silver medal. Every day I wake up inside an unrealized anarcho-consciousness inside of a failed socialist experiment and "wake up" is a strong term for it anyway. Then the day passes. I could live on cereal and television but I don't consider that counterrevolutionary. I don't consider anything counterrevolutionary, there's just energy and no energy and you know where I stand there. All my life I've had no time and nothing to show for it and you might say that's just because of American mind disease telling me to "show" something for "it," but I say I could have just gotten more sleep. The baby just cried which is hard on the cat.